Thursday, February 24, 2011

February 1

Dear Glamdiary
Last night was a night full of glam, glitter and whimsy. It was my beautiful BB’s birthday, my golden child Adam turned 29! A golden birthday for a golden child! It was also my grandaughter’s, oh forgive me, what was her name, Lindsay, that’s right. It was also my granddaughter Lindsay’s sweet 16 birthday party. I figured Lindsay will have more important birthdays to come, so it’s no big deal that I miss that, but Adam, ADAM is going to be 29! I couldn’t ignore my Golden Child on his Golden Birthday.

My family is upset with me for missing my only granddaughter’s birthday, but honestly I think they’re just homephobes who are mad at me as an extension of their hatred for Adam. My 86 year old mother is also mad at me because she had her cataract surgery yesterday and I couldn’t take her because I had all these little party favors (cute little top hats with the letter A on them, filled with black and white jelly beans!!) to make. She’s always complaining about losing her freedoms, so I gave her the car keys, her Medicare info and a pair of sunglasses yesterday and told her she’d be ok to drive herself to and from the doctor’s office. That’s freedom, isn’t it? It’s only eye surgery, not open heart or a lung transplant or anything. And so what if she took out half the street’s mailbox and the neighbor’s dog, she made it home in on piece. Honestly, that woman is NEVER happy.

Muriel, Babs, Shirley and I, aka the Glambergrannies, reserved the back two booths at Bob’s Sausage and Brew Haus, a local haunt we’ve been haunting since the early 60’s. We ordered ½ a sheet cake, vanilla cake (chocolate irritates Muriel’s IBS) with a lovely buttercream icing and JoAnn down at the Piggly Wiggly airbrushed a beautiful likeness of Adam on the cake with black icing. JoAnn wasn’t a fan of Adam until I went into the bakery and told her all about him and his music, now JoAnn is hooked and LOVES Adam like us Glambergrannies do! We also ordered 2 of the entire left side of Bob’s menu, us Glambergrannies work up an appetite! We danced and ate and dreamed dreamily about the Glambulge.

We set up a table in the back with pictures of Adam we all printed out from our computers, put them all in gold plated frames and lovingly placed the pictures around the table, with black and white candles burning and Shirley’s boombox playing “For Your Entertainment” on continuous loop. Well, Babs comes in with the piece de la resistance, THE GLAMBERT CAKE!! We all waited with bated breath, then Babs places the cake on the table between the gold frames, takes the lid of the box, and the cake had a RED CANDLE SHAPED LIKE A PENIS! Oh, the girls and I got a kick out of that, what a HOOT! We danced and we partied well into the wee hours of the evening, why, I didn’t get home until almost 8 pm!! We had a draw the straw to see who would get to take the Glambulge part of the cake and penis candle home first. Well, Glamdiary, guess what?? I WON!!! I put the Glambulge in the freezer, and I’ve been dipping the Adam penis candle in a can of frosting and licking it off all morning. Dip and lick, dip and lick, dip and lick. I feel fire in my loins I haven’t felt since I saw my first Tab Hunter movie back in the 50’s.

So, dear Glamdiary, I’m filled with love and lightness in my heart today, because Adam, my Beautiful BB Golden Love Child turned 29! 29!! Can you imagine? Why, it seems like only last year he turned 28! Got to go, Mother fell down the steps again. I told her to stay away from the steps, but she never listens. She’s going to be the death of me. These damned people, this stupid family of mine, is just sucking up my Adam Lambert Google/Twitter/AdamOfficial time. There ARE only 24 hours in a day, but they don’t care. They’re all so needy and selfish. And homephobes.

Love you Glamdiary,
Carol
AKA:
Glambergranny #2
Glamskank #458
Glambert #255
Glambulge Lover #29
Keeper of the Glamunderpants #77
GlamballsLicker #221
DLS Minion #84

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